"I need to talk to you about something," he said.
I knew this would be coming. I didn't want to have a DTR conversation with him and I didn't want to push a relationship with him, because I really didn't want one yet. I just wanted to see how things would flow. And as I allowed a process to naturally unfold in whatever way it wanted to...
"It was just bad timing. When I met you I met this other girl at the same time, and I was spending time with both of you," he said.
"This never happens to me. I met 2 really great women at the same time. I think you're really cool, and I really like hanging out with you, and I hope we can still be friends. Things just went really fast with this other girl and progressed into something. It just happened this past Sunday. I didn't want to be an asshole about this," he said.
I sat in silence on the phone, not sure of what to say, not because I was upset but because he was so nervous and awkward and uncomfortable. It was also really surprising that he was so respectful in handling his business like this. When he was done rambling and struggling, I asked, "Are you ok?" We both laughed. He said, "It's ok if you hate me for a while." I said, "Well, I don't have a reason to. There's nothing wrong with developing something with someone you really like. I can't hate on that."
"You are being too cool about this. Really, you can hate me," he said.
With my summer of fun in its 4th week, I knew equilibrium would come soon, I didn't expect it to come in the form of a buzz kill. DC happened to be at my place at the time. We talked and I was fine, but suddenly I started to double over in pain. Deep inside of me I felt a dull, relentless pain. It shocked me... why was I feeling this kind of pain over a summer fling? I couldn't believe it, really?? I took a deep breath, got up and went to the bathroom... and realized I had started my period. CRAMPS! They were cramps!! SWEEEET! I wasn't dealing with heartache! I was dealing with my period!!
Then I got ready for bed and suddenly I couldn't sleep. Flashbacks to the nights following the break up with EB3. What is this? Then I finally fell asleep, but I woke up in a sweat at 2 a.m. I'd had a nightmare that was entirely unexpected. I dreamed I was at EB1's family's house. EB1 was not there. His parents, who treated me like their daughter, told me they were sad I hadn't kept in touch with them. His mom was angry at me. EB1's sister-in-law, for whom I was a bridesmaid was sitting in the easy chair with her 2 kids, whom I've never met. She smiled at me. ... WOAH! what the hell does that mean?
My subconscious is being stirred up. While I don't feel that I'm emotionally upset over this whole thing, I can't sleep and I can't eat. I wasn't wholly invested in a relationship with DF, but I did like him at some level. I can't deny that, and I have no reason to. It was really fun while it lasted, and I'm glad I let myself enjoy the ride while it lasted.
Now, I'm just breathing like I'm in a yucky hip opener. Getting frustrated by the fact that I'm in an uncomfortable situation will only make the crappy situation worse. Just breathe into accepting the feelings with full knowledge that the yuckiness will pass soon enough.
...26 hours after the phone call...
It's over :)
Let the summer of fun roll on!
