I'm still making sense of this last week. I came back from Hong Kong on Oct. 30, arriving in NYC. Spent a day meeting up with friends, and then got up early on Saturday, Nov. 1 to head out to UCONN for a conference. I finished up at the conference around 2 and headed back to NYC for my flight to Tampa. I got to K's house late Saturday night, then woke up on Sunday at 6 a.m. to start work. There was mad chaos of organizing canvassers to hit up our precincts and calling out for more volunteers to do more canvassing. I did a little bit of canvassing on Sunday, and was met with interesting conversations with some people. A few people told me, "I don't like either of them. I'm not voting." ... interesting. Then at the end of the day I talked to the white woman in the mobile home who said she had been a Hillary supporter and didn't like either McCain or Obama. That. Was. Interesting.
Monday was more of the same, just at a more intense level. We had a pretty good pace of volunteers coming in, and I kept sending them out. Tuesday, I was up at 5 a.m. organizing turf packets for canvassers to do last minute work to get out the vote of the sporadic voters.
K and I had talked about how we'd felt emotional thinking about Obama winning. No one could even think or talk about losing. That was just not a possibility, but at the same time no one wanted to say we were optimistic about victory either. 2000 and 2004 taught us to be super cautious and the fact that we were talking about our first Black President made us even more so.
After finishing up my last canvas, I went over to the polling location for one of the precincts to watch as the polls closed. Then it was back to K's house until 9 p.m. when we headed out to the hotel for the campaign watch party.
When they called Ohio, Obama had reached 207. Then they called Pennsylvania and I knew logically that we had won, but for some reason I didn't really know at a conscious level. I kept saying, we have enough so that Cali will put us over 270. But it didn't hit me that at 11 p.m. EST we would be counting down to President-elect Obama. And even after they called VA for Obama, I knew we were winning, but I didn't know in my heart. I wasn't letting it sink in. I even wondered if I'd be as emotional as K and I had talked about. I texted to DC to let her know that we won VA at 10:50 p.m. and even then I really didn't FEEL it yet.
Then at 23 seconds left until 11 p.m. EST, I turned to K and said, "23 seconds until we have President Obama!" And then the crowd started counting down like it was New Year's starting at 10. And I didn't put my new camera on video for it! DOH! I was so completely unconscious for the moment. But as we counted down, I felt this amazing energy leaping from my toes up through my heart, and when big screen in the hotel ballroom showed CNN and MSNBC calling the election for Barack Obama, I started crying with that "ugly crying face". I couldn't stop crying. K and I hugged and were just shaking and crying. K's partner hugged us. We all jumped up and down, laughing and crying. We high fived people. We hugged people. I couldn't stop crying.
I surprised myself with how much I cried. I cried that night at the party, throughout parts of both McCain and Obama's speeches. I cried the next morning when the first thing I did was grab my phone to check CNN to see if it was all just a dream. I cried when it wasn't just a dream. I cried again when I found out that Asian Americans overwhelmingly voted for Obama!!!
Why did I cry so much especially when it didn't feel like I was going to cry? All I can figure is that for 32 years of my life I have known only an intensely racist world, where the possibility of a person of color winning and EARNING the most powerful position in this land was still a pipe dream. I'd believe it when I saw it. I still harbor wounds and scars from growing up the target of racist aggression, with white people playing like they're your friend one minute and the next calling you a chink and spitting at you. I work on forgiving everyday, but it's not easy and I'm not perfect.
And then the moment came... and perhaps the announcement of President-elect Obama did that much more to help me forgive and suddenly have my horizon of possibilities opened to a point where I am simply disoriented.
From the madness starting last year when I got back from Hong Kong and my mom's first surgery with an unorganized LA field office that frustrated me, to being assaulted by a 70 year old white woman in Las Vegas for the caucus there, to being sick and campaigning in Hawaii, all the way back around to my mom getting sick again and going back to HK... this has been one CRAZY year! Strains on friendships, depression, the summer o' fun to recharge and reconnect, friends on the campaign trail... it's all been love and madness!
My heart center has been opened that much more!
